


gun to your heart.

by projectfreelancer



Category: Ava's Demon
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 04:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10325600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectfreelancer/pseuds/projectfreelancer
Summary: odin is afraid of many things.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [worry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/gifts).



> this is gilodin with my personal thoughts on odin's childhood (child soldier stuff, so warning for implied that)

Odin thinks of Gil in parts:

Gil is foul. He is a devoted fool genuflecting at the altar of a monster. There is faith in his seablue eyes, and Odin wants to pull them out. There is something disgusting at him, something that boils at Odin’s insides, sick in his mouth at the thought of the boy being willing to martyr himself for something he cannot prove exists. Odin looks at him, and he feels sick to his stomach.

Gil is beautiful. Gil Marverde is the most beautiful thing Odin has ever laid eyes on. His skin is the crescent of a wave, his laugh is a sweetsoft purr. Odin does not believe in Paradise, never will no matter how much Gil begs him to, but if ( _when_ ) he imagines it, it takes shape in the form of Gil’s lips.

Gil is dangerous. He prays to heal Odin, but he destroys him. He tries to save Odin’s damned soul, but he destroys him. He heals his wounds, but he destroys him. He is a deadly force.

Odin wants to hate him, burns for it. Wants to imagine his hands around the boy’s throat; a knife to his chest; a gun to his heart. Wants to crucify him, claw at him, tear at him. But the boy smiles, and he destroys him.

  
Odin thinks of Gil like a gun:

There is the safety. One flip (Odin knows it well). One flip **—on—off—** and you take someone’s life with your hands. Odin knows it well (and he was just a _kid_ , he should not have been given a gun, he should not have been told to turn the safety on, to _be a soldier_ ). And not looking at Gil is flipping the safety on. If he looks at him, he will not be able to control the aching itch in his fingers, his heart that tries to eat out of his chest.

And there is there trigger (Odin knows it well; the power you feel when you touch it, but he’s too young, he does not want to do this, his parents will not listen to his pleads, _soldiers don’t cry_ ). And if Odin moves closer to Gil, he can brush his fingers on any part of him. Can—can—and there is lust and desire drowning him, and he is so very afraid of drowning, and of guns, and of falling in—

 **Inhale**.

Then there is the bullet. Faster than one can blink (and Odin kills a man when he is only a child, faster than he can blink, faster than he can understand). There is a bullet, and if Odin closes his eyes, Gil will walk right out of his life, and Odin is afraid of drowning, and guns, and of many things, but he is petrified of Gil leaving, Gil not _needing_ him back.

There is the bullet, and there are Odin’s lips on Gil’s. Neither know who fires the first shot or why Odin caresses him like he holds his gun, and Odin is afraid of many things, but the way Gil whispers his name is not one of them.


End file.
